To Do The Work, We Must Get The Work

There is a Japanese artform called Kintsugi in which broken pieces of pottery are put back together with precious metals like gold or silver. This makes the brokenness fully seen, even illuminated and ultimately honored in this new state. Many practice therapy much like a Kintsugi artist. We witness the brokenness with our patients and use the precious tools of therapy and compassion to help heal or illuminate the brokenness and wounds of the patient.
 
But what happens when a therapist feels broken or wounded? In our culture we have become the “experts” in mental health and are expected to be able to “be neutral” to our own inner demons. I have heard more than once in my career and trainings that “good” therapists leave their baggage outside the door of the therapy room.
 
And yet, to be fully present, the therapist’s “baggage” can get triggered. So, who heals the healers? Where do we find the Kintsugi artist who can help put the pieces back together with precious resources?
 
To become a better therapist, one needs to connect to their own feelings, the comfortable AND uncomfortable ones. We need to be able to genuinely and authentically connect and empathize to the patient’s emotions. Doing the work while getting the work can lead a therapist to find balance and wisdom.
 
Compassion fatigue has become a popular phrase among caregivers to let colleagues know they “need a break”. I observed after their “break” a colleague would come back looking refreshed, but within a short period of time I would notice behaviors such as being late for appointments, overreacting to common situations and complaining about sleeping, eating of general health. Helping oneself is seldom a one-shot deal!
 
Gabor Mate stated at a symposium I was attending that there was no such thing as compassion fatigue. No one gets tired of being compassionate, it is a vital part of our nature, and we don’t get tired of being ourselves. We get tired of NOT being ourselves. But to truly be ourselves takes a commitment to our own personal process, our own therapy, so we are able to fill our brokenness with precious illuminating resources including self-compassion.
 
  TO DO THIS WORK, ONE MUST GET THIS WORK FOR THEMSELVES.
 
This is a mantra I use when working with therapists and other caregivers. We ask our patients to engage in self-care through therapy and we need to also heed the call for therapy when we are feeling burned out, stuck, or triggered in our work.
 
And like the broken piece of pottery, our patients will notice the beauty of our repair work without having to know how the damage happened, and they can garner hope for their healing journey.
 
To end, I would like to share this:

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